SHANNON WILLIAMS

My name is Shannon Williams, not ANJA- she is my daughter. Because we set up our blogs together with the same email address originally, her name appears on all of my posts thus far. Regardless of what it says, they are all written by Shannon Williams. This has been a public service announcement.

GRIEF

Big beautiful thunderstorms yesterday and this morning. Loving it. We are leaving for (driving) Nova Scotia tomorrow. Listening to Karyn Saunders herbal highway as i write to you. yesterdays topic - grief. Soothing just to listen her talk about. I spent many years in grief as a child as I was molested by my dad for years - 5-11 years of age. I saw him yesterday. And I've seen him quite a bit in recent years. We've discussed it. He's been reported to social services. His wife knows. His mother doesn't. It was her I was going to visit. I still don't feel right with that(her not knowing)- awkward for me. But as a mother, I just don't know that it would do her any good to know. Anyhow, mainly thinking of Karen- her mother died recently. I think that mom's group was causing me too much grief when I was involved- perhaps due to that under-mothered feeling we all live with. To be mothered is too high and too suppressed an expectation of your friends though. Perhaps spending a small amount of time with the same people for years and years can make you feel cherished, nourished, held by the other. But I've always leaned toward a smaller number of friends that I spend more time with. I also equate the group with the feeling of being silenced because whenever I spoke about the near and dear someone would either be so affected that I would then disallow myself, or occasionally I was blatantly told not to discuss my topics, which was outrageous and being less than alpha or more cat like in reality (according to my homeopath at least), I couldn't hack it.

Visiting in Michigan

In Michigan now and visiting. Stayed at Lynne's the first couple of days, visited Aviva and Preston and their five children, visited my father, his girlfriend and my grandmother, then came up to the cottage on the lake to visit my mom and mac daddy dick. My aunt Karen and her boyfriend Curt came up to visit too. We also went to the Nielsen family reunion where I didn't know anyone, but there was plenty of good food and games. Driving by my grandfather's house is sad since his death. Mourning from afar is different, maybe slower as it doesn't hit you full force everyday. Will always miss him and grandma despite the fact that there are still plenty of people to visit. Will see my brother on Tuesday, Angela and Clay soon, and then to Nova Scotia we will go...

We were headed for Pacific Grove. But it's so beautiful here at the mountain, we have been unable to venture further. Clearly, we are not sticking to the itinerary thus far. We've already changed the plan twice, missing Oregon and Pacific Grove. The animals surely appreciate our presence here however short. Kathrin, Boz, Nisha and Lium are the most gracious hosts happy to prepare fabulous home grown meals and chat with us to no end. Built in child care and animal boarding. Makes you feel loved. Lium is especially good at sharing his space with Sofie and the two of them have developed a true friendship which keeps them very busy and is too cute to watch. Lium will be three on the fifteenth, so we will be busy with party preparation. We are entering the world of papier maiche pinatas today which is tres international!